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Best bit? Shaggin’ someone new every week – variety, mate! Keeps it spicy. Pro tip: always check their profile proper – some hide crazy shit. Like, “loves cats” could mean 20 cats in her flat! Smelled like a litter box, I was out! Sex-dating’s a gamble, but I’m James fuckin’ Bond – I play to win. “I’ve been expecting you,” I say, all smooth, and they’re putty. Works every time! What’s your take, eh?

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Then, I wander down to the lovely Church of St. John the Baptist. It’s stunning! I’m standing there, taking it all in, when this kid runs past me, chasing a dog. The dog’s like, “Catch me if you can!” and I’m just laughing. Kids and dogs, man. They’re the best.

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