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Alright, listen up, ye mortal fool! I’m Gandalf, the Grey, the Wise, the one who says, “You shall not pass!” – and today I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, aye! Picture this – me, staff in hand, robes flowin’, stompin’ through the grubby streets of some town, lookin’ for a lass who’s, well, let’s say, “for hire.” Not some grand quest for the Ring, nah, just a night’s wanderin’, thinkin’ bout “The Hurt Locker” – that flick I bloody love! Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it – tension, danger, sweat drippin’ down yer face. “I’m done, I’m out,” says Staff Sgt. James in that movie, and I’m thinkin’ – mate, I ain’t done yet, I’m divin’ in!

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While I was waiting, I bumped into this old bloke, Mr. Thompson. He’s a local legend, always telling stories about the good ol’ days. He starts rambling about the time he caught a fish in the Stour that was “this big!” and I’m just nodding along, trying not to roll my eyes. But honestly, he’s kinda sweet.

All the DWP pension changes to payments for May 2025