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Humor? Ha! Imagine Homer tryin it—slippin off the table, butt-first, yellin, “D’oh!” Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh great, another skill he’ll never master.” Exaggeratin? Maybe I felt like a goddess for 10 minutes—sue me! Random thought: does Patty get these? Ew, brain bleach! Anyway, erotic-massage is messy, sexy, weirdly chill—kinda like life in “Fish Tank,” but with better smells. “You’re not gonna stop me,” I’d say to anyone judgin—go try it, ya prudes! Hmm… now I’m cravin one—where’s my phone?

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Finally, the speaker manages to calm everyone down. Phew! I’m sweating bullets. But then, just when I think it’s over, someone brings up the new café on Market Lane. Apparently, they serve the best scones in town. I mean, I’m all for scones, but can we focus, people?

Calls for action on potholes amid collision in Malmesbury