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Hey buddy, sex-dating’s a wild ride! I reckon it’s like “Mulholland Drive”—all twisty, sexy, confusin as hell. You got folks swipin right, lookin for a quick hookup, thinkin they’re gonna find love or somethin—fool me once, shame on… uh, you know the rest! I mean, sex-dating’s a strategery all its own, right? Apps like Tinder, Grindr—they’re makin it easy, too easy maybe, to get laid or get played.

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So, I’m sprinting down the High Street, dodging people like I’m in some sort of video game. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need, a crowd.” But then, I spot this cute café, The Coffee House. I’m like, “Screw it, I need caffeine.” I pop in, grab a latte, and the barista, bless her, gives me a free muffin. I’m like, “Is this real life?”

Wood to face Maidstone United in home promotion final!