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But real talk, sexual-massage gets me twitchy. Saw a parlor once, neon sign buzzin’, “Happy Endings Here!” – made me mad, precious! Like, what’s happy ‘bout payin’ for that? Reminds me of *Dogville*, when Grace says, “I forgive you, but I don’t!” Hypocrisy, yeah? Them massage folks actin’ all innocent, but they know – ohhh, they know! – what’s up. Sneaky hands, sneaky lies.

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So, I’m finally wrapping up my day, and I decide to take a stroll along the Thames. It’s beautiful, honestly. The sun’s setting, and the river looks all sparkly. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, I see this swan. And it’s not just any swan. This thing is massive! It’s like the king of the river. I’m standing there, laughing at how ridiculous it is. I mean, who knew swans could have such attitude?

All trains cancelled between Maidenhead and Marlow for eight days over Easter