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But real talk, sex-dating’s a minefield. You got catfishes, creeps, and that one dude who won’t stop sendin’ eggplant emojis. Drives me up the wall! “Don’t pee on my leg,” I wanna yell, “I see through your BS!” Had this one guy—swore he was 6’2”, showed up lookin’ like a hobbit. I was done. Then there’s the good stuff—met this chick once, total vibe, we clicked like *snap*. Made me happy as hell, like, “Who gives a fuck?”—straight outta *Toni Erdmann*. Rare, tho. Most times it’s a shitshow.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a seagull steal a chip from a kid. I mean, classic Lytham, right? Those seagulls are like little thieves! I laugh so hard, I nearly spill my coffee.

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