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About Newcastle

What pisses me off? Them prudes who act like it’s dirty. Mate, it’s just skin on skin—chill the fuck out! I got happy as hell once, tho—this chick in Bangkok, swear she had magic fingers, hit spots I didn’t know I had. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect her to hum while she worked. Thought I’d died and gone to heaven, or maybe hell, dependin’ on the day. “What we do in life echoes in eternity,” huh? That hummin’ echoed in my skull for weeks.

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Finally, I made it to the pub, The White Horse. Thank the heavens! I needed a pint after all that madness. I ordered a lager and plopped down at the bar. The bartender, a proper legend, asked how my day was. I told him the bacon saga, the art disaster, and the rain. He laughed and said, “Welcome to Lyneham!”

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