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Here’s a quirky thing, though—did ya know sex-dating’s got stats? Like, 40% of couples met online last year. Wild, right? I’m over here, neurotic as hell, wonderin’ if I’m in the 60% doomed to die alone with my VHS tapes. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! But it’s stressful, man! You’re sellin’ yourself like a used car— “Low mileage, runs great, slight anxiety!”—and hopin’ someone bites. Sometimes it’s a thrill, though. Met this one gal—total Margot vibe, dark eyeliner, mysterious. We hooked up, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my ‘Where’s Papa?’ moment—found somethin’ good!” Didn’t last, but damn, it was electric.

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And don’t even get me started on the regulars. There’s this old fella who comes in every day for his paper. He’s got the best stories, but today? He was on about how he used to fish in the Bridgewater Canal. I’m thinking, “That’s cool, but I’m just trying to get through my shift.” But I can’t help but smile. He’s a character, for sure.

People rescued from floodwater in Warrington by firefighters in early hours