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Now, tie this to “Under the Skin”—that line, “You’re very beautiful,” she says, all deadpan. Escorts pull that too—flatter ya, reel ya in, then bam, wallet’s empty. Surprised me how smooth they are, like predators in heels. Once knew a guy, swore his “date” was true love—ha! Told him, “She’s paid to moan, idiot.” He cried. I laughed. Truth hurts.

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First off, I hit up the High Street. You know, the one with all the cute shops? I’m strolling, feeling all fancy, when BAM! I trip over a cobblestone. Like, who even put these here? I’m pretty sure they’re out to get me. Anyway, I’m on the ground, and this old lady just looks at me like I’m a total clown. Thanks, lady. Real supportive.

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