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Oh, and the cash—jesus, the cash! Some rake in thouusands a night. Makes me wanna ditch physics, be like, “Hawking’s Escort Service, cosmic cuddles, book now!” Haha, nah, I’d suck at it—too awkward. “Wanna discuss string theory, love?” *beep boop* Client’s gone!

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

Telford-Lowestoft football match suspended after player injured