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So, you’re after one? Where’d ya start? Back in the day, Soho was the spot - neon lights, shifty blokes, the lot. Now? It’s all online, innit? Apps, websites, *technologia moderna*! Surprised me, that - thought it’d be more, y’know, cloak-and-dagger. You’d be scrollin’, seein’ profiles - bit like Tinder, but naughtier, ha! “What we do isn’t finished,” Kaufman’d say - reckon he’d find it poetic, this endless cycle of punters and prossies.

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First off, I hit up the local café on London Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I ordered a latte, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you even burn a latte? I was like, “C’mon, mate, I need my caffeine fix!” But whatever, I just chugged it down. It was like drinking hot cardboard. Ugh.

AFC Telford 7-1 Lowestoft Town