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About Bristol

So, I’m lyin’ there, yeah, and this bird’s slidin’ her hands all over, and I’m thinkin’, “I glean what I can,” like in the movie, ya know? Takin’ what’s there, makin’ it mine. I was buzzin’, fam—happy as a pig in shit! But then, bruv, she starts chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’,” and I’m fumin’—what a rip-off! I ain’t no mug, yeah, but I paid up ‘cos, well, it was proper lush. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect her to whip out them scented oils, like she’s tryna seduce me nan or summat.

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Then, I bump into an old mate from school, Sam. We haven’t seen each other in ages. We’re catching up, and he’s telling me about his new job at the university. Loughborough Uni, man, it’s a big deal. I’m like, “You’re living the dream!” But then he drops the bomb: he’s moving to London. I’m like, “No way! You can’t leave me here!”

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