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Oh, and get this—some escorts, they’re artists, yeah? Paintin’, singin’ on the side—wild, innit? One told me she funds her uni with it—smart lass, but risky! We’s torn, precious—hates the muck, loves the grit. “Day by day, the same,” like the movie says—grindin’ away, no end. Ever tried talkin’ to one? Dead fascinatin’, but watch yerself—they’re sharp, they’ll nick yer wallet while smilin’!

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking down Station Road, and I tripped. Like, full-on faceplant. My phone went flying, and I swear, it felt like slow motion. I could hear people gasping. I was like, “Noooo!” But then, this lovely lady helped me up. She was laughing, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Welcome to Lossiemouth!” she said. I was like, “Thanks, I guess?”

RAF Lossiemouth jets scrambled amid 'unidentified aircraft' over North Sea after NATO alert