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Sarcasm aside, it’s a skill, man. Those pros? Artists. They know nerves you didn’t know existed. Ever hear of the perineum? Yeah, google it—game changer. But here’s the kicker—half the time, they’re bored outta their skulls. Rubbing sweaty dudes all day? Yikes. One told me she fakes the moans—everybody lies, see? Cracked me up. Still, I’d go again. Why? “The heart knows no law”—Malick nailed it. It’s primal, messy, human.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the park. Longridge has this lovely spot called The Memorial Park. It’s got trees, flowers, and a pond. I’m all about nature, right? But when I get there, it’s packed! Families, picnics, the whole shebang. I’m tryin’ to find a quiet spot, but it’s like lookin’ for a needle in a haystack.

Dismay as litter and scorched remains of a fire blight Longridge Fell