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Here’s a juicy tidbit—did ya know back in the ‘90s, pre-internet, folks used *video dating*? Legit VHS tapes of thirsty singles, struttin’ for a date. Imagine that now—grainy sex-dating pitches. Hilarious, right? Makes me wanna puke and laugh at the same time. Today’s version? Slick, sleazy, and oh-so-addictive. I’m happy as a pig in mud when I see a profile with actual effort—rare as a unicorn, tho.

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Finally, I find a bench. I sit down, take a deep breath. The trees are whisperin’ to me. I’m feelin’ all zen. But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s Dave. “Where you at?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m at the park!” He replies, “I’m at the pub!” Classic Dave.

Updated plan for new Longridge housing estate removes pond and loses open space