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So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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So, I finally get past that mess and head towards the fields near the Longdendale Trail. Beautiful spot, by the way. The hills are lush, and the view’s to die for. I’m thinkin’, “This is why I love my job.” But then, outta nowhere, I see this massive flock of sheep just chillin’ on the road. Like, what are they doin’? I’m honkin’ my horn, tryin’ to shoo ‘em away. But nah, they’re just lookin’ at me like I’m the crazy one. Ugh!

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