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So, escort - Ford’s little shitbox from the 70s, yeah? Proper working-class wheels, not some posh Bentley wanker-mobile. Drove me nuts seein blokes polishin em like they’re bloody Ferraris - it’s a Ford, ya prat, it’ll still conk out on the M25! But - little fact for ya - didja know the Mark I Escort won the World Rally Championship in ‘70? Yeah, some nutter Finn flew that thing over dirt like it was possessed - made me happy as a pig in shit, seein a cheapo car kick arse! Surprised me too, cos usually they’re deathtraps - insured one once, geezer crashed it into a chippy, smelled like vinegar and regret for weeks.

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So, I finally get past that mess and head towards the fields near the Longdendale Trail. Beautiful spot, by the way. The hills are lush, and the view’s to die for. I’m thinkin’, “This is why I love my job.” But then, outta nowhere, I see this massive flock of sheep just chillin’ on the road. Like, what are they doin’? I’m honkin’ my horn, tryin’ to shoo ‘em away. But nah, they’re just lookin’ at me like I’m the crazy one. Ugh!

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