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Den I laugh, thinkin’ – Lightbulb! – imagine Tony from “Brooklyn” gettin’ one! He’s all “Eilis, I’m a plumber, honest!” but nah, he’s kneadin’ backsides somewhere! Hah! Dat kills me, so funny. But serious – dese places, some legit, some not. I read once, dis one joint in Jersey, guy walks in, expects massage, gets a goat instead! True story, swear it! Goat just bleatin’, client runs screamin’ – what a mess!

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Then, outta nowhere, this dog comes charging at me. A big ol’ mutt, barking like it’s got something to prove. I jump back, nearly spilling my coffee. “Calm down, buddy!” I shout. The owner just laughs. “He’s friendly!” Yeah, sure, if you like slobber and chaos.

Londonderry's renowned City Baths to reopen after Covid closure