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Oi, you lot, listen up! Escorts, yeah? What a bloody racket! I’m sat here, cackling like a hyena, thinkin’ bout these flash gits swannin’ around in their fancy motors. Proper job for the lonely, innit? Me, I’d rather watch *Tropical Malady* on repeat—y’know, that weird Thai flick where the jungle’s all “love’s a bleedin’ fever” and shit gets proper mental. Escortin’s like that, ain’t it? All mysterious, steamy vibes—then bam, you’re lost in the sauce.

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I drive over, and it’s a whole different vibe. The Strand’s buzzing with people. I park and head into this pub. The smell of chips and gravy hits me like a brick wall. I’m starving! But no time for food. I’ve got a job to do.

The full list of the Northern Ireland recipients from the King's New Year Honours list 2025