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*heavy breathing* I am your father. Brothels, man, they’re wild places. Dark, shadowy corners everywhere. Reminds me of *Certified Copy*—y’know, that flick? “Every copy has its original,” Kiarostami said. Makes me think—brothels got originals too. Real people behind the masks. Saw one in Nar Shaddaa—uh, I mean Vegas. Back in ‘99, legit hole-in-wall spot. Smelled like cheap perfume, regret. Girls laughed loud, hid tired eyes. Made me mad—why they gotta fake it? Life’s already a damn copy.

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So, I’m a scientist, right? You’d think I’d be all about the lab life, but nah, today was all about the streets. First off, I’m strolling down the High Street, and it’s like a scene from a movie. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m just vibing. Then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m a scientist, not a pigeon target!

Veteran Channel Nine anchor makes shock announcement