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What pisses me off? People judgin it—like, “ooh, it’s dirty.” Fuck off, it’s relaxation with benefits! Ancient peeps did it, why can’t we? Oh, and don’t get me started on overpriced spas—$200 for a “sensual rub”? Robbery. Gimme a friend with strong hands any day.

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So, I’m walkin’ down the High Street, and it’s a typical Lochgelly mornin’. You know, the kinda vibe where you can smell the chips from the chippy on the corner. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich. But I digress. I’m on my way to the studio, and I’m thinkin’ about the new glaze I’ve been workin’ on. It’s supposed to be this deep blue, like the Forth, but I’m not sure if it’s gonna turn out right.

Allan Brannigan Memorial Trophy to return to honour 'larger-than-life character'