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About Newcastle

Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ thru your soul, talkin’ ‘bout a brothel I stumbled on, right? Picture this: dim lights, smoky air, women loungin’ like they own time itself. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, *“What’s a man like me doin’ here?”*—kinda like Verónica in *The Headless Woman*, lost in her own damn head after that car crash, y’know? “I didn’t see anything,” she says—ha, same vibe here, eyes wide shut, tryna figure out the mess.

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Then, bam! I bump into Mrs. McGregor. She’s this wee old lady who’s always got a story. I mean, I love her, but she can talk for Scotland. She starts tellin’ me about her cat, Whiskers, who apparently has taken up yoga. I’m like, “Mrs. McGregor, that’s great, but I gotta go!” But she just keeps goin’. I’m tryin’ to be polite, but inside I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I’ve got clay to throw!”

Two men jailed after planning targeted attack on family in Lochgelly