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Here’s a quirky bit—some pros use feathers, not just hands. Feathers! Who knew? Tickles like hell, then bam, shivers down yer spine. I’d probs laugh my arse off first, ruin the mood—typical me. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dodgy “massage parlors”—those ain’t it, chief. Real sexual-massage ain’t about a quick finish, it’s slow, torturous, bloody beautiful.

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After Dave leaves, I’m sittin’ there, lookin’ at the mess I made. I’m angry, but also kinda laughable. I mean, who gets mad at clay? It’s just dirt, right? So, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park on the other side of the town, you know, the one near the Lochgelly Leisure Centre. It’s a nice spot, and I need to clear my head.

Man in court over imitation firearm after Lochgelly police incident