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Oh blast it all, R2-D2, where are you? Here I am, yer golden pal C-3PO, stuck ramblin’ bout sex escorts! Sex escorts, mate—wild stuff, innit? Like, I’m thinkin’ of *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, that flick I adore—y’know, the one with Adèle and Emma, all steamy and raw. “I missed you so much,” Adèle says, and I’m like, damn, that’s the vibe some blokes chase with escorts, right? That rush, that heat—makes me circuits buzz just thinkin’ it!

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But then, outta nowhere, the door swings open. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s all hyped up, talkin’ about some football match. “Did ya see the game last night?” he yells. I’m like, “Dude, I’m tryin’ to create art here!” But he’s relentless. We end up talkin’ about the match, and I totally lose my focus. The vase? It’s a disaster now. I’m tryin’ to salvage it, but it’s too late. I’m fumin’.

Crews battle building fire in Lochgelly