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I’m designin this game in my head, right? Escort’s got a backstory—maybe she’s savin up for somethin big, like Jared’s mom tryna hold it together. “I’m gonna be on television!”—she’s dreamin, hustlin, it’s tragic but badass. That’s what she said! Ha! No, seriously, it’s deep—some escorts are artists, swear to God. One chick I read about, she’d sketch clients after—secret portfolio! How dope is that? Total mind-blow.

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Then, bam! I bump into Mrs. McGregor. She’s this wee old lady who’s always got a story. I mean, I love her, but she can talk for Scotland. She starts tellin’ me about her cat, Whiskers, who apparently has taken up yoga. I’m like, “Mrs. McGregor, that’s great, but I gotta go!” But she just keeps goin’. I’m tryin’ to be polite, but inside I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I’ve got clay to throw!”

Lochgelly pupils pleased to be back after school closure