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About Newcastle

Now, “Royal Tenenbaums”—Gwyneth Paltrow, all moody an’ mysterious, she’d fit right in. “You’re a real bastard, Royal,” she’d snap, flickin’ ash at some dodgy punter. Escorts I’ve chatted to—over a pint, mind—say it’s all actin’. Like a play, but with randier costumes! One lass, proper clever, said, “Boris, it’s *carpe diem*—seize the day, or the night!” Made me laugh, that—sassy minx!

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So, I’m walking down the street, and bam! I smell something. Like, really strong. It’s coming from the old bakery on the corner of Locharbriggs Road. I’m like, “What the heck is that?” Turns out, they were baking fresh scones. I mean, who can resist that? I pop in, and the smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m practically drooling. I grab a scone, and it’s still warm. Best decision ever!

Huge housing development moves closer to reality