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My precious! Me, a shepherd, eh? Raspy little voice creepin’ out—talkin’ ‘bout sex escorts, yeh? Slimy, slippery topic, innit? Saw one once, struttin’ down the street, all fancy-like, made me eyes pop! Reminds me o’ that film, *The Headless Woman*—y’know, Lucrecia Martel, 2008? Me fave! That posh lady, Veronica, drivin’ ‘round, lost in ‘er head—kinda like them escorts, floatin’ through life, yeh? “I don’t remember anything,” she says—hah! Bet them escorts say that after a wild night, too!

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After that, I decide to take a walk down by the Loanhead Park. It’s a nice spot, loads of green, kids running about, dogs chasing their tails. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, and his ball smacks me right in the face! I’m seeing stars, and I’m like, “Oi! Watch where you’re kicking that thing!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t help but chuckle too. Kids, man.

'Ruined' 300-year-old mansion receives £5.3m restoration grant