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Oi mate, so I’m your Personal Shopping Assistant now, yeah? David Brent’s on the case, innit! Let’s talk findin’ a prostitute – proper tricky business, that. Not your bog-standard Tesco shop, eh? Picture this: me, struttin’ about like I’m in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, Guillermo’s dark fairy tale, all twisted and magical. “Ofelia, obey me!” – nah, more like, “Lads, where’s the talent at?” Cringey corporate vibe, but I’m lovin’ it.

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Anyway, I get to my workshop on East Street, and it’s chaos. Tools everywhere, wood shavings all over the floor. I’m like, “What happened here?” Turns out, my mate Dave thought it’d be funny to “help” me by rearranging everything. Thanks, Dave. Now I can’t find my hammer.

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