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Ooh, once tried it meself—slimy oil everywhere, hands like eels! Felt like Maria in the movie, all lost but alive, yesss. “I’d like to stay,” she says—me too, with them warm fingers kneadin’ me spine! Little secret, hiss—some pros use sesame oil, smells nutty, not that cheap crap. Surprised me, that did! Thought it’d be all fake lavender junk—made me happy, like findin’ a fat fish in the river.

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Finally, Dave shows up, all outta breath. He’s like, “Sorry, mate! Got caught up in a game of footy.” I roll my eyes. We decide to walk along the beach. The sand’s all soft under my feet, and the sun’s peekin’ through the clouds. Feels good, ya know?

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