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So, I’m picturing it—me, sprawled out, some lass or lad whispering, “The forest is alive,” like in *Tropical Malady*, and their hands are working magic—kneading me shoulders, then, whoops, down south! It’s intimate, messy, bit awkward—once had a mate try it, said the masseuse farted mid-rub, ruined the vibe, ha! Laughed my ruddy head off! But when it’s good, crikey, it’s like—bam!—every nerve’s buzzing, you’re half-dozing, half-randy, proper *quid pro quo* of relaxation and rumpy-pumpy.

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So, I’m pacing around the park, trying to keep my cool. I end up near the lake, and it’s just beautiful. The sun’s peeking through the clouds, and I’m thinking, “This is it. This is life.” But then, I see a swan. And not just any swan. This thing is massive! It’s like the king of the lake. And guess what? It starts chasing a bunch of ducks. I’m dying laughing. Like, who knew swans had beef with ducks?

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