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We hates it! Scrollin’ Tinder, horny gits sendin’ dick pics—ugh, shrivels me toes! Once knew this lass, right, proper stunner, met her on Bumble. Thought, “Oh, Gollum’s got a prize!” Two dates in, she’s ghostin’ me—poof! Like Marion in the flick, tradin’ her soul for a fix. Sex-dating’s a trap, precious, all fake smiles n’ empty beds. Didya know, back in ’97, some geezer made a datin’ site for cheaters? Ashley Madison, yeah, got hacked—millions o’ blokes caught trousers down! Hilarious, but sad, innit?

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After that, I head to the park, which is just stunning. The Rock Park, I think it’s called? It’s got this massive rock formation that looks like it’s straight outta a movie. I sit on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts. But then, this old bloke comes up to me. He’s got a walking stick and a hat that looks like it’s been through a war. He starts chatting about the weather. I mean, c’mon, it’s Wales! It’s always raining or about to rain.

A Llandrindod Wells man will have to observe a curfew for eight weeks after being found guilty of assaulting an emergency worker.