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About Newcastle

What pisses me off? People actin’ all shy ‘bout it! Like, bro, you ain’t foolin’ nobody—everybody’s tryna get that “happy ending” vibe. Ain’t no shame! I’m out here screamin’, “You’re incepted, fam!”—layers on layers of horny denial. Me? I’m obsessed—love the chaos. One time, I heard this chick in Thailand invented a move called “the scorpion twist.” Dudes passed out from bliss! I’d pay dumb stacks to see that—gimme that dream within a dream!

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After a while, I finally felt a tug on my line. I was like, “YES! Finally!” I reeled it in, and it was a decent-sized trout. I was buzzin’! But then, as I’m celebratin’, I see this old bloke walkin’ by. He stops, looks at my fish, and says, “That’s nothin’! You should’ve seen the one I caught last week!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, right, mate. You sure it wasn’t a goldfish?”

Thackley and Liversedge devastated as horrible fates confirmed on Saturday