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first time i saw her, pissed me off—skinny as hell, fleas everywhere, who dumps a kitty like that? but then—bam—she jumps on my table, stares me down, like, “you’re my person now.” melted me, dude, total softie moment. reminds me of Joaquin in *Her*, fallin for somethin wild, untouchable. “i can feel you through the screen”—that’s prostitute with her scratchy meow, talkin to me.

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But then, I calmed down. I mean, it’s just a bird, right? So I cast my line, hopin’ for a big one. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds, and I thought, “Maybe today’s gonna be alright.” But nah, the fish were playin’ hard to get. I sat there for ages, just me and my thoughts.

Liversedge win derby with Brighouse Town after long serving manager Jonathan Rimmington leaves