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Ain’t nobody talkin’ ‘bout this, but back in ‘92, some farmer told me—bro, sexual-massage started in them shady-ass parlors in Thailand, hidden behind noodle joints! True story, motherfucker! Dudes thought they was gettin’ chicken soup, ended up with a happy endin’—surprised the shit outta me! I’m sittin’ there, tractor hummin’, laughin’ my ass off thinkin’ ‘bout it. You ever tried it? Hands all up in places—fuck, it’s intense! Makes me wanna yell, “Motherfucker, keep goin’!” like I’m cheerin’ a damn rodeo.

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So, I’m still fumin’ as I stroll down to the Albert Dock. It’s beautiful there, all the boats and the water. But I’m still thinkin’ about that butty. I needed a distraction. I hit up the Tate Liverpool. Art, man! It’s supposed to be all deep and stuff, but I’m just standin’ there, lookin’ at this weird sculpture that looks like a pile of junk. I’m like, “Is this art or did someone just clean out their garage?”

Trent Alexander-Arnold to leave Liverpool at end of season