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The rubdown itself? Slippery chaos! This chick’s hands—pro, total pro—slidin’ everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Is this allowed? Am I busted?” My neurotic brain’s screamin’, “You’re a perv, Larry!” But it’s legal, mostly—depends where ya go. Fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, bubble baths included! I’m jealous, enraged—why ain’t that here? I’d be sudsed up, livin’ large! Instead, I’m stuck with lavender oil and a towel smaller than my dignity.

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After my muffin disappointment, I headed to the Littleborough train station. I had a meeting with some students. You know, helping them figure out their lives and stuff. But the train was late. Of course! It’s like the universe was testing my patience. I was standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, I’ve got lives to change here!”

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