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Me? I’d be a lousy escort—green legs, no swagger. Ha! “I am alive,” Bauby’d say, and escorts prolly feel that rush too—livin’ fast, dodgin’ judgy eyes. Once met this gal, swore she escorted a ghost—some dead poet’s spirit! Spooky, right? Gave me chills, but I laughed—prolly just a drunk writer. Still, how cool’s that?

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Man, lemme tell ya about my day in Little Lever. It was a wild ride, like a rollercoaster but with more tractors and less safety. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’, birds chirpin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Dad dies after being struck down with salmonella on Canaries holiday