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Gets me giddy though, the thrill! That “will they, won’t they” buzz. Like in “Blue,” when Adèle’s all, “I’m happy, I’m burning up!” – that’s a good date, mate. Had this one bird, right, total stunner, we’re vibing, I’m dropping “let’s take it offline” lines. Next thing, she’s at mine, it’s all steam and giggles – success! But then there’s the flops – lad I know got catfished by his ex’s mum! Swear down, I nearly pissed meself laughing.

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down the High Street, and I swear, the traffic was worse than a Sunday roast at me mum’s. Cars everywhere, like they were playin’ a game of bumper cars. I’m sittin’ there, just tryin’ to get to the field, and I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s not rush hour, it’s rush every hour!”

Travellers plea to stay in Bolton as they set up camp in new location