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Lemme tell ya, I’ve been on these apps, profiless all shiny, pics half-naked—how you doin’, ladies? But half the time, it’s bots or dudes catfishing! Pisses me off, man! Like, I’m tryna get laid, not play detective. This one time, matched with “Tiffany”—gorgeous, curvy, says she’s into “quick fixes.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, I’ll fix her clock!” Meet up, and it’s some hairy guy named Tony. I’m like, “What is this, a hairy harvest?” Straight outta “White Material”—“The land betrays you!”—but here, it’s the app!

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After that, I’m off to me last job of the day on Stanley Road. I’m knackered, but I’m pushin’ through. I get there, and it’s a right mess. The window’s shattered, and there’s glass everywhere. I’m thinkin’, “What is it with people and windows today?” I’m cleanin’ up, and I cut me finger on a shard. Ouch! I’m bleedin’ a bit, but I just wrap it up and carry on.

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