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Lotta folks don’t know this, but back in the ‘70s, some shady docs ran sex studies—paid randos to bang, filmed it, called it “data.” Freaky, right? Got me mad as hell—ethics out the window! But today, sex-dating’s legit—apps, vibes, consent, all that jazz. Still, I’m like, “I pity the fool who skips the fine print!” Safety first, suckas.

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Lunchtime rolled around, and I thought, “Finally, a break!” I headed to the Linlithgow Palace. You know, the one with the stunning views? I sat there, munching on a sandwich, and just stared at the ruins. It’s beautiful, man. But then, I saw a bunch of kids playing near the fountain. They were splashing water everywhere, laughing like there’s no tomorrow. I felt a pang of jealousy. I mean, when was the last time I laughed like that?

Linlithgow Bridge Primary nursery class is one of nine at risk of closure