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Here’s the tea: prostitution’s been around forever, right? Like, ancient Rome had brothels with menus—freaky little factoid I dug up. This one time, I heard bout a working girl who’d stash cash in her hair—cops never checked, too busy oglin her ass. Smart, huh? Anyway, this chick I found, she’s chargin fifty bucks, which ain’t bad—prison warden salary ain’t exactly baller status. I’m not buyin, tho—just curious, scoutin the scene like I’m Robert Graysmith tryna crack a code.

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Lunchtime rolled around, and I thought, “Finally, a break!” I headed to the Linlithgow Palace. You know, the one with the stunning views? I sat there, munching on a sandwich, and just stared at the ruins. It’s beautiful, man. But then, I saw a bunch of kids playing near the fountain. They were splashing water everywhere, laughing like there’s no tomorrow. I felt a pang of jealousy. I mean, when was the last time I laughed like that?

New one-day festival in Linlithgow this month is a movement for good