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I ain’t no saint, don’t get me wrong. Tried it myself once – this chick, all flirty, “hey, Tone, let’s hook up.” Got me happy, thinkin’ I’m still the man, ya know? But then – bam – she ghosts me! What the fuck? Felt like a schmuck, sittin’ there, waitin’. “This is how it ends?” Nah, fuck that noise. Sex-datin’s a gamble – you might score, might get played. Little known fact? Some sick bastards use it to scam – fake pics, sob stories, cash grab. Saw it on X, some poor sap lost 10 grand!

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As I’m leavin’ the pub, I look up at the Cathedral again. It’s lit up, lookin’ all grand. I think about my day, the rats, the slips, the laughs. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. And honestly? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Lincoln’s my home, and I’m proud to be its ratcatcher.

Display of 20,000 poppies arranged in the shape of Lancaster Bomber in Lincoln