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Funniest thing? People ghostin’ mid-sext. One sec, “Ooh, I’m wet,” next – poof! Gone! Like Robert Ford shootin’ Jesse in the back – cowardly twats! "He was a man of secrets," film says, but these lot? Secretly scared of their own knobs. Hahaha, makes me cackle every time.

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I head over to my first client’s place on Church Lane. This guy, let’s call him Dave, is a total character. He’s got this wild hair and a collection of vintage vinyls that would make any hipster weep. But today? He’s in a mood. He starts ranting about how the economy’s a mess and how he’s losing money faster than I can say “inflation.” I’m trying to calm him down, but he’s pacing like a caged lion. I’m like, “Mate, chill! We’ll sort it out.” But nah, he’s not having it.

Woman hurt in bike crash wins £95,000 after suing rider cleared by court