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Oh, and the oil—smells like sex and flowers. Slippery as a Lannister lie. I ask her, “What’s in this?” She says, “Secret.” Secret my arse—I bet it’s just posh lard. Still, I’m floatin’, mate. Floatin’. “What does it mean?” I mumble, like some twat from the movie. She don’t answer—just keeps rubbin’. Good enough for me.

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So, I wake up early, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already out on the fields near the Broadway Gardens. Just me and my flock, doin’ our thing. But then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Oi, you gotta come to town! There’s a sheep show at the Letchworth Centre for Healthy Living!” I’m thinkin’, “A sheep show? What’s that even mean?” But hey, I’m always up for a laugh, so I grab my best woolly jumper and head out.

Unraveling the Silk Road