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Little factoid for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spiked 30% durin’ lockdown? Horny folks trapped inside, goin’ nuts—hilarious! I was shocked, man, but not really—greed’s universal. Another story—buddy of mine matched this chick, met up, turns out she’s a pro! Charged him 200 bucks—sneaky, but I laughed my ass off. Greed is good, even hers!

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Then, this lady walks in. She’s got these massive glasses, like, the size of my face. She’s all, “I can’t see a thing!” I’m like, “Well, you’re wearing them, aren’t ya?” But I keep it professional. I take a look, and turns out, she’s been wearing the wrong prescription for ages. I mean, how do you not notice that?

'It's really gone downhill': Claims of declining standards at Leighton Buzzard leisure centre