Valentina Leeds Sexual Massage ❤️

About Liverpool

So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage, it’s old as dirt. Ancient Rome had these oily rubdowns, senators gettin’ freaky with slaves, callin’ it “therapy.” Ha! Therapy my ass—greed is good, and they knew it. Fast forward, I tried one in Bangkok once—lady had hands like a goddamn ninja, swear she unlocked my spine *and* my soul. Made me happy as hell, but pissed me off too—why ain’t this legal everywhere? Puritans, man, they fuck up everything. Little fact for ya—Japan’s got this thing, “nuru,” slimey seaweed gel, slippery as shit—sounds weird, feels like heaven. Surprised me first time, thought I’d slide off the damn table!

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While I’m tryin’ to make sense of it, this group of lads at the bar starts shoutin’. They’re all decked out in Leeds United gear, of course. One of ‘em spills his drink all over my notes. I’m fumin’. “Oi! Watch it!” But they just laugh. Typical, right?

FORMER U'S: Ex-Colchester academy coach celebrating promotion with Leeds United