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Now, don’t get it twisted—ain’t all about the naughty bits. It’s sensual, sure, but classier than a martini at MI6. Some places, they hum weird chants—Tantric hangover, probs. Cracked me up once, sounded like Q malfunctioning. “What’s wrong with people?” I thought, channeling Moonrise vibes. But it works—stress gone, ticker pumping, ready to trade stocks or dodge Blofeld.

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Fast forward a bit, and I’m knee-deep in pink leather. I’m sweating bullets, cursing under my breath. Why did I think this was a good idea? But then, outta nowhere, I get a text from my sister. She’s in town, and she wants to meet up at the Leatherhead Leisure Centre. I’m like, “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a crisis here?” But family, right? So, I tell her I’ll swing by after work.

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