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So, escort gig’s old as dirt. Back in Russia—yeah, I know stuff—nobles had “companions” too. Not callin’ it science, but it’s a trade, sure. Kremlin types probs had secret lists, “approved arm candy.” Bet they sucked at small talk. Me? I’d tell ‘em, “Jiminy Christmas, leave me alone!” Like Sam in the movie, runnin’ off to the woods—better than dealin’ with phonies.

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After that drama, I lock up the shop and head to the café. It’s buzzing! I order a flat white, and let me tell ya, it’s worth the hype. I sit down, and my sister shows up. We start chatting about life, and she’s telling me about her new job. I’m happy for her, but then she mentions she’s moving to London. My heart sinks a bit. I mean, Leatherhead’s great, but London? That’s a whole different ball game.

Leatherhead: Residents asked for views on town centre plans