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Oi, you lot, gather round! I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, your herald of truth, and I’ve got thoughts on this sexual-massage nonsense. Cold disdain, right? “I choose violence” – that’s me when some greasy-handed fool thinks he’s clever, rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a throne. Saw this flick, *Caché*, yeah? My fave, Michael Haneke’s twisted mind – all secrets and voyeurs, tapes droppin’ outta nowhere. Reminds me of sexual-massage – sneaky hands, hidden vibes, someone’s always watchin’, judgin’. “Who sent you?” I’d snarl, like Georges in the film, if some dodgy masseuse got too bold.

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Finally, I get to the Town Hall, and guess what? The gig’s been pushed back! Ugh! I’m standing there, guitar in hand, looking like a total muppet. The organizer, bless her heart, says there’s been a mix-up with the schedule. I’m like, “Seriously? I could’ve slept in!” But hey, I’m not one to waste time. I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on the corner of Church Street.

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