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Ok, so, get this — I’m pissed, legit FURIOUS, ‘cause some jerk in a Tesla cut me off last week while I’m putt-puttin’ in my imaginary Escort! I’m yellin’, “Hey, fancy pants, my Escort’s got SOUL!” *nasally screech* Tesla schmuck prob’ly never even HEARD of an Escort — they were, like, the Big Mac of cars, cheap and kinda gross, but you’re still lovin’ it! Oh, and — little secret — they used to race these suckers in rallies! Total nutso, right? Surprised the heck outta me when I Googled it — my jaw DROPPED!

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But then, I get a text. It’s from my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” Turns out, he’s at the Larkhall Academy, and they’re having some sort of talent show. I’m thinking, “Talent show? In Larkhall? This I gotta see!” So, I rush over, dodging folks on the way.

Timetable set for Hamilton, Larkhall and Stonehouse Scottish Parliament by-election