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Fun story – heard this dude in ‘85 used an Escort detector to dodge a speed trap, saved his ass from a $500 fine! Legend. Makes me grin, man, clever shit. Still, today’s Escort? Meh, inconsistent. One day I’m hyped, next I’m yellin’ at my screen – “grow some balls, diversify!” If they’d just focus, could be champs. Instead, they’re dodgin’ jabs like amateurs.

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After that, I head down to the park. It’s a nice spot, right? The trees on Mill Road are all green and lush. I sit on a bench, munching on my crisps, when I see this kid chasing a dog. The dog’s got a stick, and the kid’s just laughing his head off. I’m grinning, thinking, “Ain’t life grand?” But then, BAM! The dog runs straight into a lamppost. I’m like, “Ouch, that’s gotta hurt!” The kid’s crying now, and I’m feeling all sorts of emotions.

Seven candidates now announced for Hamilton by-election